Meeting With the Executives

Standing in front of the executives, I saw a few familiar faces, as I remembered meeting these select few once or twice in passing. Since I had a very limited interaction with a handful of these executives, I didn't know how to treat them. Unsure of how to "mingle" with the executives, I went into the vault and did what I thought was best. Introducing myself to each individual executive, I had the following routine. First, I shook their hand. With my hand in their hand, I would pull the executive closer and give him or her a kiss on both cheeks. Finally, I would take a step back and bow. I'm glad that time I took 45 minutes out of my day to search for articles on "how to greet someone" finally paid off!

"Well, that was very unique." One executive said to another executive, commenting on my greeting procedure.

The final executive that I greeted said to me, in the slowest manner possible, "Do you speak-a-the-English?

Furrowing my brow, I replied. "Yeah, dude. Why what's up? You don't?"

"Um, oh. Nevermind." A look of confusion was plastered on every executive's face. Combined with complete silence, I decided to say something.

"So you guys must be rich as shit!" The looks of confusion changed entirely to grimaces, which indicated that I should let them do all the talking until I'm prompted to speak. Waiting for an instruction, they directed me to find a seat. I picked out the first empty seat that caught my eye and hopped into it. Settling into the leather chair, I was unintentionally turned a bit by the wheels on the chair. Taking interest in the flexibility of the chair, I couldn't help myself and needed to get something out of my system before I had to get down to business. Grabbing onto the chair's handles, I threw my legs up in the air, and used my momentum to complete a 360 degree spin. I did manage to stop myself from screaming "Weeeeee!" I have to draw the line somewhere.

Having seen enough, an executive finally spoke up. "We asked you here to explain this incentive-based program you mentioned. You suggested that this would help improve productivity throughout the company." The man at the head of the table said, in an effort to refresh my memory and to explain why this four-year old was wasting their time. "Why don't you tell us a little more about this program."

Looking up from the floor, I noticed all eyes were on me. I looked over at the man at the head of the table and pointed to myself. Is he talking to me? He nodded at me to speak. Shit! He is talking to me!

Giving myself a few seconds to come up with a coherent response, I spoke. "Maybe every month or so, you award us with some sort of added bonus?" I responded with a that's all I got look and shrug of the shoulders.

"Interesting." The man at the head of the table said. "And is there anything else to be said about this program?"

"Nope. I think I've said enough." I got up out of my chair and attempted to walk out of the conference room. The executives were dumbfounded and questioned if that was really all I had. "Yeah, I have complete faith in you guys to turn this incentive-based program into a wonderful idea. Isn't that why they pay you guys the big bucks?" I patted one of the executives on the back in an encouraging manner.

"You got some set of balls on you, kid." Another silver-haired man chimed in. My heart started to race at an alarming pace. Staring directly into my eyes, the man continued. "It's refreshing to see such candor out of a young man in your position." The comment relieved all doubts that I had. "We see a bright future with you and this company." I, on the other hand, see a more realistic future of sub par work and borderline fire-able antics.

The entire group thanked me for my time and dismissed me from the room. The expression of their faith in me led to a false sense of confidence on my behalf. "One last thing before I leave."

"What is it, son?"

"My boss told me I should bring up the raise he promised me... to you guys." All I got back was a series of raised eyebrows. Why stop there? "He also mentioned something about a company car... and company credit card... He said it's standard with the raise I was due."

"You know you're pushing your luck?"

Looking around the table, I saw a tray of Holiday cookies. "Can I at least take a handful of cookies before I leave?"

Rubbing his chin, he nodded at me. "You may. But you can't take the Christmas tree cookies."

"What about if I leave you the green Christmas tree cookies and take the red Christmas tree cookies?"

"You drive a hard bargain, but I'll agree to those terms." It's like I'm already an executive!