Friday, December 20, 2013

Holiday Party This Afternoon!

We have our Holiday party this afternoon! The company brings in a bartender for the occasion, so one of my work "friends" asked me if I plan on drinking at the gathering. He was curious because the Holiday party is is going to be attended by all the bosses from all departments. Even the higher-ups in the company, the executives we never see, will be showing up. Knowing all of this, I told him that I plan on getting so black-out drunk that I'll probably end up on the floor with wet pants, while snoring next to a urine-soaked stain on the carpet.

Of course I'm going to try and not get that drunk - I just want to consume enough liquid courage to help me hit on some of my female co-workers, especially the interns. I hope that the interns are going to let loose, considering that they have the shittiest gig in the office. They easily work twice as hard as I do, but that's not saying much - a corpse has a better work ethic than I do - yet they don't get paid. I really feel bad for them, though those feelings won't hinder my attempts of trying to sweep one of these ladies off their feet.

There is one hurdle I must clear before I can mingle with the rest of the office. My boss told me that I'm not allowed to attend the Holiday party until I hand in my report, the report that was actually due yesterday. I think my boss may have realized that the deadline for the report was in fact yesterday at noon, which is why he gave me this ultimatum. Whatever. I'll take this punishment in stride, but it will no doubt have a negative affect on the overall quality of the report. Who am I kidding? The report was always going to be average at best anyways.

Now I have exactly three hours to finish my report, but an unforeseen hindrance has popped up. Standing between me completing the report and me attending the party is an e-mail I just received from a buddy. The e-mail contains a 45 minute video about conspiracy theories. This isn't good - I like reading and watching videos about conspiracy theories. I have quite the dilemma on my hands.

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