"Out of Service" Part 2

With rare exception, I don't think any of my co-workers left their cubicles for the first five hours of the day. It was like they were at a luncheon and they were waiting for someone to make the first move to get food. No one wanted to be the pooping-pioneer and venture over to the neighboring building. If I had to go, I would have had no problem being the Lewis or Clark for the office.

Instead, I got to watch my co-workers squirm for hours. I knew for a fact that several of my colleagues needed to clear their system, but they were too embarrassed to proceed. Some people even took the trip to the pharmacy to pick up anti-flatulent drugs to fight any impending doom. It's insane that these people went out of their way to pick up drugs, considering that they had to walk passed the very building they were avoiding.

My co-workers took "extreme" measures to adjust to the days inconvenience. One of those measures included altering their respective diets. Anything that could cause an upset stomach was avoided at all costs. A lot of the food in the office went untouched in fear of the repercussions.


I, too, was affected by the day's bathroom policy, though it was not as severe as my colleagues. Even though the bathroom policy slightly affected me, it was pretty much status quo for me. I went about with my normal routine - I ate what I wanted to eat, did as little as work as possible, tried to avoid getting caught doing as little as work as possible, etc. The other difference was my water intake.

I spent a lot of time at the water cooler - way too much time at the water cooler. More than the average worker should in a business day - inside a perfectly ventilated office. Whatever the recommended amount of water one is to consume in a day was greatly surpassed by me. I was drinking like I just spent twenty-four hours in the Sahara desert.

The unhealthy amount of liquid consumed led to me spending a good amount of time in the bathroom relieving myself. When you're constantly getting up to go to the bathroom, it's hard for people not to take notice. My boss, of course, was one of those people.

"You're something else..." My boss told me.

"I know. I'm pretty great." I replied by patting myself on the back. He was not approaching me to sing my praises.

"I tell you that the toilets are out of service and you take it as a personal challenge. Do you think you can go one day without having me consider sending you to a day-care center?"

"I kind of want to accept the challenge, but at the same time, I don't know if I should."

Little to my surprise, he walked away from me, agitated, with a distraught look on his face. He didn't need to say it, but I knew what was on his mind: "I can't wait to fire that jackass." Or it could have been: "I can't wait to go home and fire out a dump."